An Amish woman and her daughter...An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day. The daughter said to her mother, 'My hands are freezing cold.'
The mother replied, 'Put them between your legs. Your body heat will warm them up.'
The daughter did, and her hands warmed up.
The next day, the daughter was riding with her boyfriend who said, 'My hands are freezing cold.'
The girl replied, 'Put them between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm them up.'
He did and warmed his hands.
The following day, the boyfriend was again in the buggy with the daughter. He said, 'My nose is cold.'
The girl replied, 'Put it between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm it up'.
He did and warmed his nose.
The next day the boyfriend was again driving with the daughter, and he said, 'My penis is frozen solid.'
The following day the daughter was driving in the buggy with her mother again, and she says to her mother, 'Have you ever heard of a penis?'
Slightly concerned the mother said,' Why, yes...?! Why
To Panic or Not To Panic...To Panic or Not To Panic...
Things seemed to be humming along smoothly.
Hal had picked up a new habit of "humming" while
retrieving information for the various terminal operators. All in
text, of course. Considering all the other weirdness going on over
the past day or so, Adama considered this new, irritating habit not
For a moment, Adama was amazed and frightened.
Amazed because, for all intents and purposes, Hal had a greater
intelligence than a human. Well he, or it, always had that
intelligence, but the fact is, that intelligence could now express
itself making Hal, at least by a Galactican's definition, sentient.
That was the amazing part.
The scary part was that everyone who dealt with the
computer, or Hal, on a regular basis had quickly adapted to this
new change and had started treating the computer as if it _was_
Hal paused. Maybe in his electronic brain he was
actually taking Omega's advice. Ada
Operation: Toaster, Part II...Operation: Toaster, Part II...
Apollo was not happy. Everything had been going so
well up to this point, that is if you didn't count the one little
incident involving Kryten, the Cylons and a fleeing hologram. Now
the group huddled around the doorway that Kryten assured them
lead into the room where the central control computer was kept. A
little to one side was the central core tube, similar to the one
that he and Starbuck had used to reach the central control
computer room on the last basestar they were on. At the bottom of
the ladder was a now very defunct Cylon. Everything was where it
After peeking though the door, however, Apollo saw
that the room on the other side was very different from the last
Cylon computer room he toured. Instead of being a relatively small
corridor with computers on both sides and totally devoid of
Cylons, it was a fairly large circular room with computer consoles
all over the place, each manned by a busily working Centurion.
Obviously, not all
Operation: Toaster, part IOperation: Toaster...
The Boyz from the Dwarf tried to make themselves as
small as possible in the cramped cockpit of the Cylon raider as
Starbuck and Apollo poked around outside to make sure there were
no unpleasant surprises.
"I can't _believe_ you let that captain talk you into
bringing all of us," Rimmer hissed.
"Shut up, you git," Lister hissed back. "It's your fault
their computer went nutso."
"But we fixed that!" Rimmer hissed angrily. "If _you_
felt like being a knight errant, you could've at least had the
decency not to drag the rest of us into it. It's not our fault they
have a bunch of homicidal mechanoids..."
"Simulants," Kryten corrected.
"Cylons," Lister double-corrected. "The fact is, you
smeghead, we need to get back into their good graces after the
stunt you pulled. Otherwise, they just _might_ be tempted to
throw us out of an airlock and blow up Red Dwarf before these
Cylons give it a go."
"They'd probably be doing us a favor. It's got to be a
quicker death than being
The Long Ride into NightThe Long Ride Into Night...
"Will you get your elbow out of my throat?!"
"Sorry, Rimmer. I didn't feel you."
"That's the smegging idea, you bloody baboon. I'm a
hologram. I'm composed entirely of light."
"Kryten! Will you please remove your hand from the
vicinity of my wedding tackle?"
"Sorry, Mr. Rimmer, sir. I didn't realize I was so close
to your most prized possession."
"Probably because there's nothin' there."
"Lister! One more crack like that and I'll have the
scutters hide inflatable Ingrid."
"Are we there yet?"
"Cat! For smeg's sake! You asked that five minutes ago.
No. We're not there yet."
"I have to go to the bathroom."
"Then you should've gone before we left, Mr. Rimmer."
"Kryten, Rimmer does _not_ have to go to the bathroom.
As he reminds us so often, he's a hologram. He never has to go to
"You're right, Mr. Lister. Sorry."
"Well, with the way Horse Face keeps talking about it,
_I_ have to go to the bathroom."
"Tough. Hold it in."
"Actually, Mr. Lister, now